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Guilt is one of the Five Negative Emotions that stops people moving forward in their life becasue they hang onto to from something that happened in the past. Sometime that guilt pours over into the small niceties that people do for us and it's a struggle to enjoy them when they're given to us.
Getting rid of those negative emothiom is the first step toward freedom in that you no longer have to carry them around with you and you can focus on building your own success and enjoying life at a higher level.
Let's start with guild today and here's some principles that you can apply today to help you annihilate guilt once and for all.
Hi everybody, it’s Nathan Hawken. Cofounder and director of The Achievement Club online. And today I’m going to help you annihilate guilt from a few different areas in your life. Now, this may seem kind of funny or it might actually be quite serious to you, but have you ever felt guilty when someone shouts you a coffee or someone buys you lunch or a full dinner? Maybe it’s even a bigger thing like a bigger ticket item that someone has just bought for you as a present and just given to you because one time you said that you wanted it or you’d like that, so they went out and bought it for you. And when you receive it you think, well, why did you buy this for me? I could have bought this. I have money. Why did you give this to me? Or when… it’s funny with a coffee, I believe. If someone buys you a coffee and straight away people are like, oh, I’ve got to give this person their money back. I’ll give you the money for it. It’s the four dollars. Or I need to make sure we catch up so I can reimburse you and buy you a coffee or buy you lunch to make sure that it gets back to you. And people get really, really stressed over it sometimes. You see people fighting for it. Now, me too. I used to feel guilty when people bought me a coffee or a lunch. I used to feel like I was obligated to pay them back in some way, like I had to go out of my way to return it, the favor, at some stage. And yes, there’s a little bit of that still. But I did, there was times where I felt like I need to make sure I catch up. Like, I owe this person now. Now, when I was working in hospitality in a restaurant I used to see this all the time. And this was one thing that really got under my skin. Because people would come in and have a really nice meal. Four, six people would come in together, haven’t seen each other for a while, they’re catching up, having a good time, good food, good drinks, but when the bill comes at the end there’s a fight to pay for the check. Or someone comes up and actually pays for it before anyone else or two of them come up together and try and pay and both put their cards down at the same time, some type of ego bout or pride thing, whatever it was. Then they’d start to get a little bit nasty or a little bit argue, a little bit fighty, and a bit of anger starts to flare up. And what happens is soon, like, soon enough one person will pay and they’ll put it all on their card and the other person, you could see in their eyes that they were disappointed or they were angry or upset or bitter. And when they left, you could see the mood of the night has actually shifted for them, gone from really nice and having a great time to I can’t believe that SOB paid for me. Sorry, I shouldn’t be smiling. I can’t believe that SOB paid for me. And they have an argument about it going home or they talk about it going home. I couldn’t believe it. This used to happen night after night after night. And it’s interesting because what I’m actually talking about here is, of course, is the law of reciprocation. So people didn’t understand that at some stage, like, the universe will give back. That’s what the law of reciprocation is. It’s not like I paid for your coffee or your meal so now you must give me that coffee or meal back or that present back or whatever it was. No. It’s you give first and just know that at some stage the universe will return that favor, will pay you back. If you… if you want to put it like that. That’s the law of reciprocation. Now, it’s really interesting when some people even to this day, it’s quite old way of thinking, but there’s such penny pinchers out there, people that count every single penny, every single dollar that they spend, or that they give reluctantly. It’s crazy. Like, I’m not saying don’t look after your money and don’t watch your money and be aware of where you spend it. Don’t get me wrong. You know, in order to be good with your money you’ve gotta… you’ve gotta watch it as you go. But there’s a part of it when… it’s funny. It’s like I gave Dave or I bought Dave that coffee for 4 dollars. Now Dave owes me 4 dollars. And in a week’s time they’re like, “So Dave, how about that 4 dollars, mate? I bought you that cappuccino last week.” You know, counting every single dollar. Now, the interesting thing with that is what that actually does, that limits your thinking, that limits your earning capacity. Because when you’re counting all your dollars and pennies like that, you’re too focused on those little bits rather than focusing on the rest of the money that you can earn. So that type of thinking is really, really limited to your potential earnings, but your potential growth at the same time. Now, there’s a couple of things just to keep in mind that can really help you kind of shift that way of thinking if you’re struggling with those guilty feelings when someone buys you a coffee or buys you something, anything. Maybe you are someone who is counting your pennies or your dollars like that and it’s becoming a little bit of a burden. But these couple of steps will just kind of help free you up a little bit, help free your mind so you can actually… you can start to earn more. But just start to be a little bit just freer on the heart so you can lift that emotion of guilt and you don’t have to carry that around. So the first thing is give first. When you talk about the law of reciprocation, living a life of giving and gratitude is the first key to any type of success. Now, this is… we teach this in the Achievement Club all the time. Any member that comes in is to live your life in gratitude and in giving. When you have that, you have a warm heart. It starts to reflect around you, your scenarios, your business, your people, and it really has a nice ripple effect that carries on. So always give first, and not just give but give generously. Now, I’m not saying give everything that you have. I’m not saying give your house to someone that doesn’t have a house or just give 5 thousand dollars to someone that you don’t really know who’s asking for 5 thousand dollars. Right? Once again, we’ve got to be smart about this. Alright? But, you know, when you’re talking about coffees and lunches and things like that, they don’t usually add up too much. Unless you’re having, like, lobster for lunch every day. But coffees and things like that, you know, you just… just give those. Give those out. Pay for people’s lunch, look after people like that, because at some stage it’s going to come back to you. Ok? So always give first. I know when I… in my sales career, I would be having coffee after coffee in so many different cafes because I’d have a lot of my meetings in cafes. And I got to the stage where it’s been like 50 dollars extra on other people’s coffees and some lunches as well. At the time I didn’t really have the 50 dollars, but I was happy to do it. And what happened was in the future I got all those coffees back, I got those lunches back, and even some on top of that as well. And it’s just knowing that that’s actually going to come back. So give and give generously. After that, accept. You know, accept happily. So if someone wants to buy you lunch, someone wants to buy a coffee, someone gives you a gift, now you don’t have to do it all the time, but accept it with a light heart and don’t feel guilty about it. Accept their generosity because it makes them feel good because they wanted to do it to begin with. It makes you feel good because you’ve received it. And just know that it’s going to come back to you at some stage as well. So just accept happily, but only if you want to. Look, if you don’t actually want to, look, that’s fine. You can still pay for your things. I’m not saying just take everything just because people are giving it to you. That’s how you end up with a house full of crap. You know? But accept it when it comes if you want to. But if you are going to accept it, accept it happily and don’t let it be some type of emotional burden. You know? And then after that, just be open to reciprocate. Essentially it takes you back to giving. So you give first, give generously. You know, accept happily when things are given to you and then be open to reciprocate. Because we’re not just talking about money and coffees and lunches and things like that, we’re also talking about favors and service. So if someone’s really generous to you and buys you lunch and they ask for a hand later on and are moving house or something, maybe they need to live somewhere, that’s when you’re open to the reciprocation. That’s when they get back from the universe what they’re putting out. So just keep that in mind as well is that after those 3 steps, you know, we talked about the law of reciprocation. It’s not just coming back from one person, and I said that before. But it’s not expecting to get that back from that one particular person that gave you. It’ll come back to you from somewhere at some time, but it will come back. You’ve just got to be open to it. And just keep in mind that when you are giving and you’re becoming more generous, don’t do it begrudgingly. Don’t do it knowing that you’re going to get it back at some stage. You know, don’t do it just because of that. You know, don’t give someone that coffee or help someone out just knowing that there’s a favor there that you need to get back off with at some stage. That’s what you call lending. We’re not lending, we’re giving. We’re giving the person what they want or something that you feel like they… that might be nice for them without any expectation that’s gonna come back to you. Don’t think about what’s going to come back and just… and don’t do it because you know it’s going to come back. It is nice to know and you do know it, but that’s not why you’re doing it. You’re doing it to give someone else something. So tomorrow or even right now depending where you are, what you’re doing, I would recommend going out and buying someone lunch, giving something away, take something that you don’t use in your house anymore, give it to charity. But go, start giving something to someone. Call a friend, shout them for a coffee or even just a work colleague. If you’re coming up to your lunch break, take someone out for a coffee. Buy them lunch. Look after them, be generous, and get in the habit of doing that every single day. And I guarantee, that will all come back to you at some stage. Now, I hope I’ve been of major assistance to you and I hope this helps. Please leave a comment below. I’d love to know your struggles, your stories, and if there’s any way that we can help you out. Follow the link below for a few offers on the Achievement Club. My name is Nathan Hawken, thank you so much.
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Vaughan is a real-world entrepreneur, business owner and world-level athlete. With an obsession for success, achievement and what makes people reach the pinnacle of their field his programs, products and coaching has reached ten's of thousands of people world-wide to lead a richer life. He has been coached and coached for Bob Proctor's company 6 Minutes to Success. Nathan is a world-class N.L.P trainer and leading life strategist who unique insights will help you live out your ultimate destiny. For your free insights, training, tips and tactics join our weekly e-mail list here